A couple years back I was at a party in this dumbass town, doing my usual thing. And occasionally stepping outside to warm my hands by the fire of my youthful dreams still smoldering on the launchpad. But that’s another post.
Unfortunately, the song “Closer to Fine” came across the house boombox/iPod setup. Not wanting to see the party brought down by whiniest of whiney folk-rock, I hit the skip button.
Boy did that turn out to be a mistake. It turned out to be someone’s favoritest song evah, and it wasn’t to be skipped. Period. There was no apologizing, either. She wasn’t happy, and neither was her granola hipster husband/boyfriend/lifeparter. For a few moments I thought he might raise up and whoop my ass–if it wasn’t for his $150 puffy vest that he didn’t want to spill his PBR on.
I think I kept my head down and mouth shut for the rest of the night. Or maybe I was my normal loud jovial self–I don’t remember. Drunk.
Before you start, this wasn’t about my own hipster music snobbery. (Hell, I’m a big U2 fan. There goes my indie cred.) But seriously:
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind/ got my paper and I was free!
And you thought I needed to call the waahmbulance.
I don’t know–maybe it’s because I’m from the county with the lowest college going rate in West Virginia. Maybe that’s why I roll my eyes at a song written by an Emory graduate whose daddy has a Ph.D from Yale about how much it sucked for her to be able to go to college at all. Suffer the little English majors.
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket/ I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it/ I’m crawling on your shores
Well, I’ve wrapped my blanket around me like a blanket on the numerous occasions I’ve been too fucking depressed to get out of bed. And I’ve sailed my Ford into the Taco Bell drive through then crawled through my yard. So where’s my following of oppressed English majors with $200 messenger bags and faggy white belts?
Fuck it. I’m putting in my Rattle and Hum DVD.
March 2, 2007 at 9:07 am
I think your words would make for a better song. Crank up your Triple Recto and get to work!
March 2, 2007 at 9:13 am
Funniest damn post…ever!
March 2, 2007 at 10:10 am
I’ll stick with the Stooges.
I got a lust for life…
March 2, 2007 at 10:10 am
Although rare, as a lesbian with a sense of humor, that was one funny effing post, HK. When I was a privileged baby dyke growing up in semi-rural WV, the IGs songs were certainly appreciated, but I see your point and laugh my annoying lesbo laugh. Thanks dude! :)
March 2, 2007 at 1:01 pm
Please tell me I wasn’t at that party.
On a realted note, I was recently in Wilmington and noticed a ton of folks walking around in NF gear. I kept asking the fiancee “Is there a mountaineering convention in town?”
March 2, 2007 at 1:02 pm
“Related” works better, I know.
March 2, 2007 at 1:33 pm
HK is from Boone County?
March 2, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Ugh, the Indigo Girls make me wanna hurl.
But “faggy,” HK? You couldn’t think of a different word?
Your favorite ball-buster,
RR
March 3, 2007 at 1:27 am
I “looked to the children” once, and all I got was an unscheduled appearance on Dateline: To Catch a Predator.
March 5, 2007 at 4:39 pm
I can beat that - I was at a party at a friend’s house once and someone dragged all the cool kids in from the kitchen to put on a video of “The Wall”. And there weren’t even any drugs at the party.
I left, found a bar, found a kindred spirit to spend the night with and woke up in a far better mood than if I’d stayed.
March 8, 2007 at 2:08 pm
This is totally off topic….and I couldn’t find a way to reach you by email. I propose arranging for William Stewart haters to bombard his blog with comments at the same time so the homo struggles to delete every one.
March 8, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Homo? What, are we in 8th grade again?
Seriously though, that’s not really my style. I’m kinda tired of talking about that kid. I’m sure it won’t last long though.
March 21, 2007 at 10:06 am
God. I love your blog! And I’ve only read two posts…